Lesson #99: When using products taken from a roommate's bathroom, read labels before use.

To fill my days, I have been wandering the city, going to coffee shops, and walking past gyms. I get up around noon-thirty, shower, get dressed, nap, and head out to start my day of exploration! On one of these jam-packed, action-filled days, I was doing a quick mirror check to make sure my weave was still in place before leaving the house when I noticed some dry skin on my near perfect face. The thought of running back upstairs to my room wore me out, so I just grabbed some lotion out of my roommate's bathroom and applied it to my face and hands. Problem solved. I had walked maybe a block when I noticed a twinkle out of the corner of my eye. Was it the sun reflecting off the clanging change in the cup of Homeless Harry? No. Was it the reflection of light off of a dead pigeon's glassy eye (yes, that happened)? No. I looked down and noticed my hands were more sparkly than usual. "That's strange," I thought. "I don't remember dipping my hands in glitter. It's just not practical." I then remembered the somewhat shiny bottle of lotion I grabbed from the roommate's bathroom. At that moment, it also dawned on me that I had used that lotion on my face. Crap. I thought the Asian lady standing outside the dry cleaners had stared at my face a little too intently. I quickly U-turned and power walked my boney butt back to the apartment to scrub. When I finally saw my face in the mirror, it looked like I had passed out face first into one of Rip Taylor's paper bags. Unacceptable. (If the Rip Taylor reference went over your head, you need to google him and re-evaluate your life choices) So, half a bottle of face wash and 2 washcloths later, I was a new, less-sparkly man. Lesson learned.